Do you ever have a day where you are less than proud of yourself? When something happens and your reaction is so ugly that you want to run and hide? Ok, I'll call that 'Monday.' I have worked at the same place for 11 years. I love it, it's a great place to work, great benefits, flexibility (meaning I can run to the bank and it's no big deal, or go get a haircut, etc). This also means that I have worked with the same people for several years...close to 6 with the one I am about to talk about. When you work with someone that long, it can become almost like a brother/sister kind of thing. Well, my coworker and I kind of "got into it" yesterday. It got ugly, me standing up, him pointing fingers, telling me to sit down, me totally shaking, quivering..(I hate when I get that angry because I just want to cry, and everyone know, there's know crying when you work with men) It ended up with me storming out of his office...no resolution. I go back to my office and I am hit with the absolute ugliness that just came out of me...no mature communication, no professional demenure, just ugliness. I like to think that I have been in the workfield, managed several programs, worked with the public, etc for 11 years so that I should by now be able to overcome my 12 year old tendencies to shout, call someone a "ninny" and run away. Not to mention, foremost, that I totally did not represent Jesus to this coworker, just ugliness. I was totally embarrassed...
So, I spent the day in my office, only to be called to our boss's office at 4:00 for a "come to Jesus" talk. It went really well, and we all made up and are getting on with it. I apologized for my behaviour, it's better now. But, God has been working on me lately in the area of my mouth...and it's tendencies to just open and unleash nastiness and ugliness onto anyone within a 10 foot radius. God is so faithful to us...He is faithful to show us who we are, the good and the bad. Yesterday, I was made aware of my heart...which is a hard thing to deal with...but, more so, I was made aware of His wonderful mercy, gracy and forgiveness. God is so faithful to let us take the same test over and over and over and over and over and over until we pass it. His goal for us is not perfection, but relationship. God is not looking for us to some day wake up and be perfect, no sins, loving, gracious to everyone, holy light shining out of our ears...If that were His goal for us, then we would never had needed Jesus to die on the Cross. If we had in us the ability to even be remotely perfect, the Cross would have been a mute point. But, we are not perfect...the Cross was the final, complete redemptive work that gave us life, hope and joy.
Even though I was a total butthead (is that right, is butthead one word or two: butt head?) God is gracious, He is not offended with me, he loves me. That's how I am able to sleep every night.
In the past few months, I have experienced a healing and restoration in my life. I will spend more time in the next couple of days sharing about it. But let me just sum up with God is faithful. God is good.
So, I spent the day in my office, only to be called to our boss's office at 4:00 for a "come to Jesus" talk. It went really well, and we all made up and are getting on with it. I apologized for my behaviour, it's better now. But, God has been working on me lately in the area of my mouth...and it's tendencies to just open and unleash nastiness and ugliness onto anyone within a 10 foot radius. God is so faithful to us...He is faithful to show us who we are, the good and the bad. Yesterday, I was made aware of my heart...which is a hard thing to deal with...but, more so, I was made aware of His wonderful mercy, gracy and forgiveness. God is so faithful to let us take the same test over and over and over and over and over and over until we pass it. His goal for us is not perfection, but relationship. God is not looking for us to some day wake up and be perfect, no sins, loving, gracious to everyone, holy light shining out of our ears...If that were His goal for us, then we would never had needed Jesus to die on the Cross. If we had in us the ability to even be remotely perfect, the Cross would have been a mute point. But, we are not perfect...the Cross was the final, complete redemptive work that gave us life, hope and joy.
Even though I was a total butthead (is that right, is butthead one word or two: butt head?) God is gracious, He is not offended with me, he loves me. That's how I am able to sleep every night.
In the past few months, I have experienced a healing and restoration in my life. I will spend more time in the next couple of days sharing about it. But let me just sum up with God is faithful. God is good.
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